As you read last week, I was surprisingly let go from my job on Tuesday. I have been very busy since then getting everything situated after my vacation and catching up with people. Plus, I took a mini-staycation Wednesday through tonight to just relax and get back to DC speed.
A few good things have come out of this so far, mainly yet another way to appreciate my awesome friends and support system. I received calls and emails from all sorts of people (some of which I haven’t returned yet, and I’m sorry). It has been so wonderful hearing from all of you and knowing that I am loved! Thank you so much.
My sister mentioned that this is one of life’s bucket list situations that you can look back on and be grateful for the experience. I completely agree. Getting fired isn’t as bad as it sounds. The actual meeting wasn’t terrible and I lived, so I’m certain I could live through it again if I needed to! What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?
Of course, I didn’t know what to do when sitting there as they told me about their change to my future. I took it like a woman with my head held high…not much I could have said to change their mind. I was happy they waited until after the vacation to tell me so I didn’t freak out about spending money while away. They told me around 3:15 on 3/15 and I found a weird rhythm to that.
They said I could have the office for the rest of the week to clean out my stuff and that I could leave at that moment if I felt like it. I wanted to stay for the rest of the day but when I tried to sign the documents and I was shaky all over, I knew I had to go home then. What else was I supposed to do?
I returned the next afternoon to get my things. Boy, I had so much stuff in my office I must have thought I was permanently settled there! It may take me awhile to get to a point that I feel safe enough to have that much crap at work again. Anyway, my biggest concern was what to wear to get my stuff? I couldn’t wear all black because I wasn’t in mourning. It had to be something somewhat nice but able to move things around. Ugh, do you see what I mean?
The worst part was the reactions from my colleagues. Some just didn’t know what to say so they avoided me and avoided any eye contact. I felt so weird…no one wants to be in this position, the least you can do is make eye contact! Most people were pretty cool and would tell me they were sorry. I had some good conversations with the bosses who got a further opportunity to explain themselves. I would have probably done the same thing to me if I were in their situation so I don’t blame them. I don’t blame anyone.
Someone mentioned to me not to take it personally. Funny enough, until that person said it, I hadn’t! Luckily, I still don’t. One thing I’ve realized about life outside this blog is that it isn’t about me. I haven’t cried or moped or whined or complained yet. It is what it is. I accept that, and like any good planner, I am looking forward. I am taking a bit of time to try to envision what that next step looks like. It certainly is not clear yet, but I know it will work out. Of this I have absolutely no doubt. Until now, I have only had situations where I dream of a job, then I go get it. The tough part this time is dreaming and envisioning what that looks like now.